Why Fidget Spinners are the Spinnacle of Human Achievement

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Fidget Spinners are the biggest craze of the century, nay, all of human history. Children and Teenagers have been spun into the tornado of excitement surrounding the miracle invention. Some have their misgivings, but I am here to tell you why Fidget Spinners are the pinnacle of human achievement, and why the human race will never create an object as unique and useful and revolutionary.

Before the Spinner’s rise in popularity, the Fidget Cube was in the center of the stage. The cube has a small gadget on each of its sides, ranging from switches to buttons to gears. The fidget cube’s sides are advertised as a treatment for focusing problems for people with ADHD. Each side requires some sort of repetitive motion for the user to fidget with. These repetitive motions are what helps those with ADHD or similar issues to focus. But all that clicking and rubbing and whatnot gets exhausting. Why should we bother with such a strenuous task?

Enter: Fidget Spinner.

The Spinner is probably the most important invention in the world. Step aside, Thomas Edison. Your efforts pale in comparison to the godliness of the Fidget Spinner.

With the Fidget Spinner, users no longer have to repeatedly press and manipulate a dumb cube. Now, users can give the Spinner a flick and it will spin forever. There’s no need to fidget over and over. Spinners have been scientifically proven to completely cure ADHD and basically every disorder ever.

Thousands of students across the universe have brought their own Fidget Spinners to school to help them focus. Shockingly, evil teachers have confiscated these Spinners claiming that the therapeutic masterpiece is simply a “toy.” These criminals even claim that the beautiful whirring sound the Spinner makes is “extremely irritating and a distraction.” Spinner owners were outraged, now having to suffer the repetitive pointlessness of tapping their feet or flicking a pencil. Educators just don’t understand that some students can’t focus on their work if they aren’t staring at their Fidget Spinner as it revolves in their hand.

Despite so many people pretending that the Fidget Spinner is useless and a distraction, Spinner owners continue to spin on. One could even compare their noble efforts to spread the Spinner’s popularity to the effort of Jesus to spread the word of God.

Fidget Spinners are the saviors of humanity. In a world plagued with lizard people taking over our governments and aliens controlling our minds, its comforting to know that the Spinner will always have our backs. Spinners are saving lives, saving the environment, and saving the world. Today, the Earth spins on, in honor of our hero, the Fidget Spinner.